Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
