If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
