last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
