i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
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