and i looked up. we had an audience...
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
