yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
