I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
