dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
He did a backflip because drugs
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