is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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