Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
