you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
