I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
