So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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