ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
But theres a keg here and me gusta
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
