The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
wow bdsm is so cute
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize