I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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