At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
