Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize