1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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