If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We got so high we made milksteak
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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