Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
