he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
