Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
