That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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