Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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