it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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