I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This toilet bowl is my home.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
