The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
did i walk over a car last night?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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