dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
