I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
