So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
