I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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