I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Randomize
