i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
