It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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