i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
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