My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
