idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
