Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
