My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
