I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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