Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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