More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
