I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
