So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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