I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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