I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
