Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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