question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Randomize
