I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
