id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
