I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
only you would photoshop your dick
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
