i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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