Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
