the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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