I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
