My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
