I feel like abortions should bother me more
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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