I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
