I want to walk on stilts...naked
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
