She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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