i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
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