walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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