We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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