Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
