We're like a lot better than the average bears
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
