I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
