I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
