So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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